Words Matter


As the Republicans and Democrats conclude their national conventions, we are increasingly aware of the importance of words in shaping our impression of candidates for the highest political office in our country.  We see discussions over the development of party platforms, the parsing of speeches by the candidates (and their spouses!), and the intense review of e-mails, tweets, and other forms of social media.  Words are one way – not the only way – that we human beings express our thoughts.  When we can put something into words, it is the starting point for understanding.

In my work, I have noticed that many people I serve wish to achieve an “amicable” divorce.  The word amicable means friendly, affable, congenial, kindly, or sweet.  This is generally not what people are truly experiencing when confronted with the disappointment and heartache associated with the end of a relationship that was intended to be permanent.  Instead of the word “amicable” in relation to divorce, I prefer to use the word “uncontested.”  This means that parties have figured out a way to resolve any differences between them, which are typically contained in the specific words in a marital settlement agreement. Such an agreement establishes for the parties the basic framework for matters of business in the dissolution for the marriage – including the disposition of assets and liabilities – along with issues related to support and arrangements for children.  Getting to an agreement during a divorce can be difficult.  While this process is usually not characterized as “genial” or “sweet,” this transaction can be conducted in a respectful and civil fashion.

With a marital settlement agreement in hand, the parties can move forward to an uncontested divorce.  Although the fine points of legal practice in obtaining an uncontested divorce may differ in various jurisdictions such as Baltimore County, Howard County and Anne Arundel County, as a general matter, getting an uncontested divorce is not an onerous undertaking.   By re-orienting our thinking and using the word “uncontested,” the pressure to be “amicable” can be alleviated.  Divorcing spouses can move forward in a meaningful and methodical way to address their differences and re-orient their lives.