by Cynthia M. Lifson | Aug 8, 2023 | Uncategorized
No matter how long spouses have lived apart, no matter what the financial arrangement between spouses is, and no matter if spouses interact with one another or lead completely separate lives, a married couple cannot be legally divorced without an order from a court. At a minimum, to obtain a legal divorce, one spouse must initiate a divorce action by filing a complaint in court alleging specific facts to meet certain statutory requirements and must subsequently prove his or her case before a judicial official. While a legal divorce requires certain action by the court, the manner in which divorce litigation proceeds is greatly influenced by the behavior of the parties. Most people seek an “amicable” divorce, but the legal way of framing this procedure is either as a “contested” or an “uncontested” divorce. Interestingly, the overwhelming majority of family law cases settle before a judge has to make a decision. In cases with protracted litigation, a judge’s decision may be the only way a case can resolve. With this in mind, it is important to understand how the “emotional divorce” and the “financial divorce” affect the “legal divorce.” The likelihood of a procedurally simple legal divorce is greatly enhanced if parties make the effort to work through emotional and financial issues ahead of a formal filing with the court. In particular, a comprehensive and clearly written marital settlement agreement that is reached by the parties can serve as a map to remind the parties of their obligations to one another and to their children. Mediation is a respectful process that can help divorcing couples work their way through...
by Cynthia M. Lifson | Aug 8, 2023 | Uncategorized
Generally speaking, there are three interrelated aspects of divorce: the emotional divorce, the financial divorce, and the legal divorce. While each phase of the divorce process has its distinct characteristics, for many people it is usually the financial aspect of divorce that provokes the greatest anxiety. Transitioning from one household of composed of two adults to two households composed of one adult in each household can be a major undertaking that may require a new evaluation of income and expenses, along with an overview of assets and liabilities. This anxiety is typically enhanced when children are involved in the re-organization of the family. It is not unusual for people to panic when facing this situation. While panic may be an understandable reaction to the prospect of divorce, cool and calm collection of information while facing a new financial situation is an effective way to reduce anxiety and prepare for a new living situation. To the extent possible, it is a good idea to become a bookkeeper and become well informed about recurring monthly expenses. Many people simply do not know with great precision where they spend their money or how to budget effectively. To become more aware of spending habits, it is very useful to do something as simple as keeping receipts in an envelope each month for each and every item that is purchased (including coffees at Starbucks!). In this way, an accurate picture can emerge. Similarly, it is important to know sources of income which can typically be determined by reviewing pay stubs, tax returns, or attachments to tax returns such as a W-2 form or 1099 form. The financial picture is not complete by focusing...
by Cynthia M. Lifson | Aug 8, 2023 | Uncategorized
At the start of the new year or a new season, it is common for many of us to face the challenge of an unknown future while reflecting on our experiences of the past. This is especially true as we contemplate our choices about the structure of our families. For most people, the decision to remain in a marriage or to disengage from a marital relationship is a radical change that may promote serious anxiety. To address the anxiety that comes from this uncertainty, I have found it useful to consider three intertwined yet distinct aspects of divorce: the emotional divorce, the financial divorce, and the legal divorce. As I have come to understand it, an emotional divorce occurs when a spouse truly realizes that there is nothing more that can be done to ameliorate the unhappiness that he or she feels in relation to the marriage. This unhappiness can be manifested in many ways: constant bickering, stony silences, or eruptions in physical violence. Typically, at the root of this unhappiness is a profound difference in basic values held by each spouse. An emotional divorce often – although not always – precedes a financial and legal divorce which I will discuss in other articles. Thinking about the signs of a healthy relationship may be useful in determining whether or not a spouse believes an emotional divorce is either happening or has occurred. Here is a brief– and non-exhaustive – list of some elements that mental health professionals suggest are signs of a healthy relationship between spouses:• Sensitivity to the feelings of the spouse; • Respect for the spouse’s opinions and...
by Cynthia M. Lifson | Jan 27, 2019 | Mediation
Ten Tips to Prepare to Settle Your Case Out of Court 1. “I’ll see you in court!” suggests one way to resolve a dispute. Many people have no idea how expensive, time consuming and stressful going to court really is, so considering alternative ways to settle out of court can be beneficial. 2. Try to figure out what you really want to end a dispute. It could be money, a specific action, an apology, or some combination of these things. 3. Consultation with a legal professional can give you insight on what the law will provide and the limitations of the law. 4. Prioritize what is most important to you: the A list is the “must have”; the B list is the “nice to have”; and the C list is “what you might easily trade in order to achieve a deal.” 5. Be strategic. Try to put yourself in the other party’s shoes to figure out what may be most important to him or her so you can figure out what the other side’s ABC lists might be. 6. Consider engaging professional assistance. While litigation is an option, approaches outside of the court setting may be most appropriate for your case. Some examples include mediation, settlement conferences, and collaborative law processes. Find out about alternative dispute resolution (ADR) and about competent neutrals working in your community. For additional information, please click here to to find out more about ADR. 7. Keep an open mind to ideas and information that may emerge. You may be pleasantly surprised at some of the options generated from thoughtful discussions with the other party....
by Cynthia M. Lifson | Jul 19, 2018 | Notes from the Desk of Cynthia Lifson
In case you missed it, an article in the business section of the Washington Post discussed a topic that I have been concerned about for years, the creation of “The Big Book.” As explained by Reporter Thomas Heath in his May 18 article, the rich have what can amount to an army of professionals to track information on their financial lives. For the rest of us, “The Big Book” is a way to keep ourselves well informed about our assets, liabilities, basic documents, and other important bits and pieces that make up our daily lives in a complex digital world, including passwords to various accounts. Having “The Big Book” in hand promotes independence and self-sufficiency. Being organized is the basis of good financial and estate planning. Among items to be considered for inclusion in “The Big Book” are important documents such as copies of passports, work IDs, marriage licenses, birth certificate and Social Security cards, along with digital sign-ons and passwords. Heath also recommends to include documentation related to real estate, automobiles, bank accounts and investments and retirement accounts, insurance policies, and lists of health care providers, medications and emergency contacts. While copies of estate planning documents such as wills, trusts, power of attorney, and advance health care directives are a part of The Big Book, to avoid difficulties, it is wise to keep originals of certain estate planning documents – notably wills and trusts – in a separate space. While we live in a digital age, maintaining the originals of certain key documents remains important. While compiling The Big Book may initially seem daunting, when this...
